a forgotten happiness

I had forgotten this song existed until Youtube recommended it for me, but this is the JAM.

Two Princes — Spin Doctors

nine things

• cherry blossoms
• daffodil fields
• frosty roofs
• milkshakes for lunch
• full moon
• Jimmy Fallon
• borrowed CDs from nice boys
• waiting
• waiting
• waiting

another sad story

11 pm, and I'm trying to decide if it's worth it to eat dinner at this point.

I have too many thoughts for my brain. They're overflowing out my ears.

I need a deep breath.
I need a good friend.

Sorry. Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.

I was driving home in the dark, with the window open and the air whipping a chill through the cab of my car. As the red light turned to green and I made my left-hand turn onto the highway, that song came on the radio: the one that feels like falling, and getting back up again. The song for letting go.

I don't miss him when he's gone. It's when he's back that I'm a fool again.

It's 11:30. I'm hungry. Time for dinner.

indigo

Last night, as I was in that warm, dozy, dreamy state of half-sleep, my phone buzzed from across the room. It filled the room with a blue glow, but I rolled over and ignored it. A few minutes later, it buzzed again, and this time I stumbled out of bed to see who was inspired to talk to me at twelve thirty in the morning.

It was my best friend. I read the messages, I smiled, and I laid back down in bed. A moment later, I got up to read them again. It felt like he was close for the first time in a long, long time.



(Things have been so odd lately. I talk too much and I still can't manage to say what I mean. Some days I want to drift off forever and never see anyone again. I think I'm a different person than I was at the start of the year, and I'm not sure I like her much at all.)

I went out for coffee last week with a guy who told me he that he "didn't find the Grand Canyon that impressive". Maybe it's shallow, but after that comment, I didn't find him that impressive.


(I'm trying. I'm trying so hard. This semester has been putting me through the wringer, chipping away at the base of my very newly-constructed sense of self-worth. And I'm perpetually coming up short.)

(I didn't mean for this to get so down. But that's all I've got in me, at the moment. Forgive me?)

(Love.)

to-do list for April

• climb a mountain
• sit on a roof
• grow a little taller