soft things

                thick, short grass

                                                      cats
          cafe au lait
                                       
                                 quiet, late-night phone call voices
 
the smell of baking bread
 
                                                              silvery-blue
                  knitted hats
                       
                                                       moonlight through the window

                                       shade trees
        dandelions
                                             Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata

                    hand-holding
     
           

pain in three flavors

1. He called Friday night, very late, and by the time the call ended I had chewed my lip raw and tangy.
2. Blood on the hand towels.
3. In her dark car, we talked about a boy, and she rubbed at her earlobes, just like I do.

12 pm and my dusty telephone rings

While I was gone, I was music-free for two weeks. And often when I'd wake up, this song would be running through my head, even though I hadn't heard it in a year. Maybe that says something. I don't know.

11 AM – Incubus

running away

      "Anne's awfully sensitive," said Rhoda. "And she's bad about—well, facing things. If anything's upset her, she'd just rather not talk about it—although that isn't any good really—at least I don't think so. Things are there just the same, whether you talk about them or not. It's only running away from them to pretend they don't exist. I'd rather have it all out however painful it would be."
      "Ah," said Mrs. Oliver quietly, "but you, my dear, are a soldier. Your Anne isn't."
      Rhoda flushed.
      "Anne's a darling."
      Mrs. Oliver smiled.
      She said: "I didn't say she wasn't. I only said she hadn't got your particular brand of courage."

From Cards on the Table by Agatha Christie, pg. 122

a short note I can't send you

Come over and hang out with me. I need a shoulder to rest my head on. We can make cinnamon toast and listen to sad punk music.

(Everything's hard recently. I can't even tell you about it. It will get better, won't it? Soon?)

(I miss you. Please miss me back.)

to-do list for June

• swim in running water
• pray harder than ever
• don't run away