despondency

I wish I knew the answers. I wish I could pull a George Bailey and see what needs to be done, and why I should do it, and what will happen if I don't. And see where it will all end up.

But what does it matter, anyway? The world keeps turning. People keep living, loving, singing, crying, feeling, hoping, dreaming, dying, and this ancient empty world just keeps spinning along, slowly but still much too fast.

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(It's extremely hard to study when I'm in a mood like this. All I want to do is read poetry.)

my bestfriends

dark nights

calmer seas, colder nights.

rocking in the moonlight

you sing to keep me warm

i dance to make you smile.

i wonder where we are

have we been here for a while?

hold my hand and we'll follow a star

we'll search till we find it

we'll wander far

you keep singing

i'll keep searching

you find the answers

i'll find the Saviour.

I'm afraid it's been too long

To try to find the reasons why

I let my world close in around a smaller patch of faded sky

But now I've grown beyond the walls to where I've never been

And it's still winter in my wonderland

I'm waiting for the world to fall

I'm waiting for the scene to change

I'm waiting when the colors come

I'm waiting to let my world

come undone

A little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue

and all these clouds don't ever change the shape of who I am to you

When I catch the light of falling stars my view is changing me

my view is changing

~ Waiting for the World to Fall, Jars of Clay

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a letter

It's rainy and gray today, and there's a lovely chill in the air. But I still miss you. It's when I walk around among a crowd of people that it's the strongest. Not loneliness, just that I remember all the jokes we made and the things we did and the fun we had. I don't mind being alone in a crowd, but I'd rather be with you.

Because we really are pretty awesome, aren't we?

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a little thanksgiving note

I'm thankful

For my brother, my sister, my mother, my dad

For the way the sun looks beaming out from under heavy clouds, deep and gold and dim

For Netflix instant streaming

For my friends, who didn't disown me when I skipped town, but kept me as one of their own

For our trampoline: I waited over a decade for it, and it has been completely worth it

For freedom

For my God, who never turns His back on me, even when I insult Him, and second-guess Him, and flat out disbelieve Him. If I ever said the things to my friends that I say to Him, I would alienate them all. But God never takes back His grace.

Turkey is awesome, but Thanksgiving is a day of thanks, of prayer, and of peace.

Be blessed. :)

questions

If I were a monster, would you wince when you looked at me?

If I were a freak, would you stare?

If I were a leper, would you say unclean?

And if I was lost

Would you help me get free?

~ "Monster" by The Almost

Credit baresilver