apprehension

Today was the last day of my summer. It's left me with red eyes and freckled elbows, with Sgt. Pepper in my car and a heartful of complex emotions. And now my textbooks are sitting in a stack on my desk, with a box each of brand-new pencils and paperclips, waiting.

I'm not ready. If I'm being very honest, I'm a little bit scared. But my sweet, dear friend wrote me a beginning-of-school letter that made me feel a little lighter.  And tomorrow is coming fast, whether I want it or not.

So tomorrow I'll wake up, and I'll make some tea. I'll wear my converse. I'll pray very hard, and walk into my 9:05 Finite Math class and smile. And from there?

I suppose we'll find out.

8.21.12

a confession (just one thing)

I like the way you say my name. The way you say it before a serious statement, a secret, a revelation. Before questions. After compliments.
I like the way you say it sometimes, and blink, and slowly shake your head, as though you've lost all your words.
I like the way you mock me with it.
My favorite is the way you say my name when we haven't seen each other in a while, and you smile at me, and I smile at you, and it becomes the beginning of a conversation.
There's no subtext, no hidden meaning. But you say it like it means something. Like it's a name worth saying.

(unrelated picture I took and liked :)

chameleon

photo by Michael Molthagen

return

I got back from a trip recently. On paper, it wouldn't seem like anything momentous: it was a trip to a state I've been to a hundred times before, to see people I've seen a lot of in the past. But I came back with a flickering light lit up full force. Something about reaffirming that the people I love love me too lifted a lot of self-doubt and self-loathing. It's easier to notice when things are going all right.

Here it is: the end of the hiatus. The words still aren't exactly the way I wanted them, but here they are. Thank you for your patience:)