9.28.12

better days

Today was better.
I took a test. I wrote a paper. I barely missed you at all.
I didn't wear makeup to school, and despite the plethora of bad face days I've been having recently, I felt perfectly fine. 
I tried a new recipe. It turned out well. 
The air felt like autumn. I went to Walmart on the way home from school, and in addition to the shopping list, I impulse-bought some tea (cinnamon apple), and an air freshener (also cinnamon apple). 
I thought about people I haven't seen in a while, and I wondered how they're doing. I prayed a little.

I'm going to grow up. I'm going to get stronger. Stuff will be okay. 



These are disjointed thoughts. I probably would have been better off just putting them in my diary, but hey, my blog, my rules:) Because maybe you can relate a little. Maybe you have bad weeks too, bad months even. And maybe one day, you wake up and the air is crisp and the sky is clear and what everyone else thinks seems to matter less. Maybe some days, you wake up feeling free.

Love.

the fighter

Jerry Douglas - The Boxer (featuring Mumford & Sons and Paul Simon)

I am leaving, 

I am leaving, 

but the fighter still remains.

eight things

 Sitting in my 9 AM math class, I notice a faint lipstick print on my coffee mug. I wonder when I became the kind of person who wears lipstick. Who carries a coffee mug.

I've been trying to break a bad habit. I think I've almost succeeded, but only time will tell.

Lots of tests this week. Two papers due. Lots of homework. Work all weekend. I'm three weeks into the school year, and I don't think it's going to get any easier.

My mum brought home licorice tea, and decaf chai and ginger pear green, and they're making my mornings brighter.

The days are getting cooler. It's making me happy.

Yesterday I got three cd's for 75 cents. One of them was the Jonas Brothers.

I fell asleep rereading my favorite book last night, and woke up at 3 am with the light still on and my book on the floor.

And a recent decision has set me adrift.

photo by Jennifer Trovato

poem for a weary Monday

Scrambled eggs and whiskey
in the false-dawn light. Chicago,
a sweet town, bleak, God knows,
but sweet. Sometimes. And
weren't we fine tonight?
When Hank set up that limping
treble roll behind me
my horn just growled and I
thought my heart would burst.
And Brad M. pressing with the
soft stick and Joe-Anne
singing low. Here we are now
in the White Tower, leaning
on one another, too tired
to go home. But don't say a word,
don't tell a soul, they wouldn't
understand, they couldn't, never
in a million years, how fine,
how magnificent we were
in that old club tonight.


~ "Scrambled Eggs and Whiskey" by Hayden Carruth

through chaos as it swirls

This song helped me through many of the dark days of last fall, and as autumn creeps up again I find myself gravitating toward it once more. It's rain-hearted music.


This tightrope that I'm walking just sways and ties
   The devil as he's talking with those angel's eyes,
      And I just want to be there when the lightning strikes
         And the saints go marching in. 


My heart's a bit of a mess right now. Maybe that's what it is.

on love

"So, having found a lady, could you not have come to her aid, or left her alone? Why drag her into your foolishness?"

"Love," he explained.

She looked at him with eyes the blue of the sky. "I hope you choke on it," she said, flatly.

- from Stardust, by Neil Gaiman