The drugs make me nauseous, the drugs make me shaky. They make me tired, leave me leaning against doorframes and sprawled across the floor. They make me dizzy when I'm sitting down.
The drugs make me overaffectionate. Leave me saying "I love you" too early and kissing cheeks, stroking hair. Leave me spacy, laughing too loudly and saying things that don't quite make sense, drunk when I'm sober. The drugs make me cussy, have me saying fuckfuckfuckfuck soft and Tourettsian in the empty stairwell of the library.
I hate them. I hate them because they remind me that I'm not completely in control of my emotions or thoughts or behaviors; and because I can't cope without them. I hate the thought that I need them, couldn't quit even though I want to. The idea that I might not be alive without them.
I feel helpless and I feel blind in the dark. I'm sorry for this. I'll delete it soon.
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- all she wrote
- I'm Dana. I like ice cream, thick books, loud music, and you.
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